Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
