Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
