dude i'm inner monologue high
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
