She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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