ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
