I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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