I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't turn off my feet"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
