You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
