so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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