Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
