I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
