oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
