He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
