i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
