dude i'm inner monologue high
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
