She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
