Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
