You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
