I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
