dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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