I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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