hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
