Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
