She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was like his penis was on wheels.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
