You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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