i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
