I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
