yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
