wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
