isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
