Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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