Sry I called you an 8
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
