Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
