Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
