My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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