He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
