I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
