Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
