After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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