is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is wine microwaveable?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
