we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
