Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
