I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think your dad took our porno
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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