Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
