I'm going to jail i love you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
