just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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