you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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