I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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