Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
