I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
