He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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