so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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