Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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