I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
