Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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