whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize