When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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