Pappa wants mamma naked
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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