There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
