The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
