But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
