3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
