Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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