I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
