gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
