Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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