i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
