It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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