i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
