found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
