I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Never underestimate the power of titties
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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