I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
