She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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