I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
