Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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