I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The air was thick with penises
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
