I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
