There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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