these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
