then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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