I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
