Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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