How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
