"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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