All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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