we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
