so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
