why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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